Finn the Human
by GearSolidSnake
Summary: "Why am I the only one to feel this way?" A one-shot exploring Finn's psyche


Why am I not over her? Why is it so hard for me to forget about her? Everyone else seems ready to move on about what happened, even she did. But why is it so hard for _me_ to get over her?

Everyday I have to hide it; bottle it in. I try to act normal for Jake and BMO. I've tried to explain what's going on to both of them, yet they never understand. Jake thinks its just some sort of stupid phase. Jake can't possibly understand, he still has someone to care about...

I've given up on trying to explain this feeling to anyone. I feel lifeless as I'm reluctantly forced to pull this charade. Now I just hold onto this inner emotion as I pass through the routines of life only waiting for the day to end so I can sleep off my sadness only if for a brief moment...

Everywhere I go, everything I do: I see her there. Her eyes, her eyes staring into me from the ghostly remains of my memories. Her face haunts me, I don't know why I can't get her out of my head. And every time I see her, I always feel this guilt rush over me! She looks so disappointing, so saddened!

Why?! She already forgave me, so why does this figure keep returning to remind me of my sins?! Was I really that terrible to you?!

I'm not a bad guy am I? No, of course not. I'm "The Hero of Ooo." I'm supposed to be the example for others. I'm supposed to be the guy children turn to their fathers and say, "I want to grow up to be just like him." I'm the beacon of hope whenever there's times of trouble. I'm ALWAYS the hero. I'm not supposed to do anything wrong. I can't possibly have any guilt.

So why do I then?! Why do I feel this pressure breaking into the back of my mind, tormenting me, never letting go. I've never felt so worthless in all my life!

I've tried to block it out. I've tried to be so good and mighty that the voice in my mind is deafened. I've gone on every adventure I could find. I've done every good deed possible. Sometimes I'm not needed yet I force myself to help anyway. Yesterday, Princess Bubblegum told me she needed me. I charged in, sword drawn, ready to save the day. Yet all she needed me to do was letter couriering. What fool I looked like! It's not just then either. I've forced myself like this for even the simplest things. It's gotten so bad I heard people scream "_Save me, Finn_" in my sleep.

What am I searching for anyway? Anything. _Something. _Something to tell me that I'm not as bad as I believe I am. Something that convinces me I'm the hero this land believes I am.

What am I trying to prove!? What is there to prove?! Who am I trying to prove it to?! She won't think of me any differently. What's done is done. I've hurt her in more ways than I can even count, and there is no way to fix it...

I'm alone in my sadness... There's no way out... I know what this sounds like right now. This sounds like my suicide send-off. There are so many ways to go out anyway: falling, hanging myself when Jake's not here, poison. But I can't bring myself to do it anyway. I don't have the cowardice to. I'm not one to give up. I'm not _that_ weak. And If I did, then I'd really hurt her.

So now I just push through every day, hoping, praying something comes along to set me free from these bonds that hold onto my every emotion. Every dreary day is spent in my own personal solitude as I pull this _other me _out for everyone one else around me. I am really alone, in every sense of the word. This feeling may never stop.

Maybe this is what the others felt like. The ones I'd never see. Maybe someone could understand. I'd like to think this is what they all felt. Maybe they all felt this emptiness, this longing for personal redemption. Unfortunately, I'll never know any of them. I'll never know how they dealt with the pain. I'll never get to come over this from the comfort of those who know my pain.

I'm just going to have to accept this is the new norm for me. This is how I'll feel every day. And I'll be the only one...

After all, I am Finn the Human...

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Thank you for reading. I you liked this, maybe check out my other stories. Feel free to leave any constructive criticism.


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